When external frustration is telling you something about your team

Does your team have a common enemy that unites them? Perhaps it's an external vendor that everyone likes to complain about. Maybe it's another team that is always frustrating for different reasons.

Is the problem actually that external person, or is that frustration at an external “other” actually a mask for frustrations within the team? It's often easier for people to express frustration towards others who are not within their day-to-day sphere or for whom they don't need to directly express that feedback than it is to express that to their team. In some cases, that externalized frustration can be just the tip of the iceberg for deeper internal frustration below the waterline. Understanding the true nature of frustration is important because it allows you to address the root cause, rather than symptoms.

When a team does not have a well-developed culture of feedback, this externalized frustration can develop in lieu of the more necessary conversations required to genuinely tell people how they feel. This can become so deeply ingrained that people don’t realize it’s happening. Typically, people prefer to avoid conflict, and what starts as a way to bond, joining forces over the common enemy, can become the only way people know how to relate interpersonally because the elephant in the room feels too large to address.

As a leader, it's important to try to understand if this is happening and to take steps to correct it. This is not a short-lived problem, and the longer it goes unrecognized and unresolved, the deeper people become entrenched in the idea that this other group is the source of all problems. It trains people to first blame outside, rather than to look inwardly and wonder how they could be part of the solution.

How to start to address it

If there is some other group, person, or team that is the constant source of frustration, starting to unpack it with your team is the first step. Listening to their concerns and building plans to troubleshoot them is a concrete way to address the issue. If that fixes the problem, great! Maybe your team was just frustrated with the way another group works. But perhaps you've done this before and you've resolved all the theoretical problems that people are raising, and the problem hasn't gone away. This likely means this is symptomatic of a larger issue and it might be time to dig deeper.

It might be time to start thinking about what they are not saying. This is where you need to look below the waterline to understand what is at the base of the frustration. In order to do this, you need to provide people with the space to speak freely and without consequence, in private conversations where they are assured their words will stay private. Instead of leading the conversation, let them guide. Be clear about the intent, that you’re trying to dig more deeply to understand the root source of frustration, and that you don’t think it’s entirely about this other group. Often sharing that up front frees people up to think more deeply and be more honest with themselves.

Sometimes, these conversations can be extremely revealing and give you great clarity for next steps. At other times, it can feel like the web is more tangled than before, and you might need to start thinking about the more structural and systemic issues on your team. Just like the problem is not short-term, neither is the work. The process begins by recognizing the problem and finding the bottom of the iceberg.

Comments

• 5

Like

Comment

Share

Add a comment…

Open Emoji Keyboard

No comments, yet.

Be the first to comment.

Start the conversation